Monthly Archives: June 2011

Failure – just Failure.

So yeah. This website is about taking responsibility, and creating your life.

And I failed. So all the good and inspiring bullshit in this blog, it’s bullshit. There are limits to what you can do. Sure, it’s possible that any circumstance you find yourself in can be used to achieve what you set your mind to.

But it’s not okay. It is not okay that I find myself unemployed and homeless.

The coaching available on this site, I’m afraid that if you look to model this author – you may find yourself unemployed and homeless.

I apologize for being such a fraud.

I’m sorry if you tried to donate and did not find the paypal button. I’m sorry if you found value in this site – I cannot guarantee I can keep this site online. It’s not making enough money to support itself, and I’m not now making enough money to support even myself.

It is true magic is so much easier to do for others than for yourself. So if you have a care to offer on my behalf a prayer or spell, I welcome the attempt.

Sigil magic does always work. And the “I can’t draw, how can Ido sigil magic?” post  – it features a digital spell for steady employment. Clearly it didn’t work fast enough.

I hate being a fucking sob story, I want to be a success so people can know that it is possible.  I feel like shit.

Happy Father’s Day!

Happy father’s Day!

Father’s don’t seem to get the same cultural appreciation Mom’s do, it may be that mother/baby bonding. But Daddies are very important.

My own Father died a few years ago. I love him, and it’s a big deal to say that because He abused me as a kid. For father’s day I suppose what I can do is help explain how I love the man that abused me, because I’m not alone. Many people have awkward relationships with their Dads.

In Buddhism, there’s the story of the man that meets his parents, and he cuts them down (with a sword, this is a Japanese Buddhist story), then the man meets a Priest – and he cuts the priest down! Finally, the man meets the Buddha – and the man cuts the Buddha down!

It seems a rather violent anecdote, and senseless even, at first. But the cutting down is not literal, at the same time it is on point metaphorically!

Let me explain. For most children parents are not people, they assume a significance greater than that of simple people – they are PARENTS, they have AUTHORITY! And this sense of who your Mother and Father are, this can endure into adulthood. But for many people, who their parents were for them as children, their parents are NOT that for them as adults. They are simple people, not better or different from other people, except that they gave you birth. And when you accept your parents as people little different from yourself except older – you have CUT THEM DOWN – as in their role as parents with authority – that role has been destroyed.

And so it is with the rest of that violent anecdote – as the man becomes adept at his Buddhism, the Priest loses his specialness and becomes simply another person – and when the man achieves enlightenment – even the Buddha is no longer the Buddha – but just another person.

The gift I hope to share is this. Your dad is just a person, with strengths and weaknesses. I hated my Dad when I was a child, and his abuse of me was real. But as an adult I understand that he loved me and that in his weakness and ignorance he raised me as well as he could, even if the best he could was abusive.

Gender roles traditionally saddle Dads with the ‘bad cop’ role, they enforce parental authority. That’s another reason Dads aren’t beloved culturally as Moms are. But the Dad that is there to raise his child, it’s no longer something to take for granted. And almost all dads really do love their children, deeply. And if you know you love your Dad, that’s great because it means you love yourself! And if you don’t know if you love your Dad, you likely cannot know that you love yourself either.

As a child it’s important to improve on the previous generation. My Dad has passed, but from him I can learn from his mistakes. I don’t have to be abusive, I know to own my faults, I know that it is important to be honest about what I do not know. In my life I can address the problems that plagued my Father, and his experience I can learn from to not make the same mistakes.

Happy Father’s Dad! May you rest in peace! I’m going to be alright!

Dark Night of the Soul was never so banal

Its been a while since my last post. There is an art to writing these posts, picking a subject and turning it into something real I have to say, or a tutorial on something I think of that others might benefit from.

My gift for writing can perhaps be encapsulated in a simple fact: I’m rarely if ever bored. My inner life is just that interesting. That’s how I write interestingly on such a consistent basis, I work my brain hard. This is assuming the quality of comments this site gets reflects the overall reader of this site. it might not.

I’m done and lost my second part time job. I’m really entirely unemployed. It seems that as a dishwasher my ability to do a good job was less important than my ability to get the job done fast. Which is just as well, given they already had cut my hours to less than 8 a week.

On the other hand, that job interview last Wednesday went very well. I was told to call them this coming Wednesday if  I don’t hear from them first, and the second guy at my interview (not the decision maker) suggested to me that I likely had the job. This would be a good thing, as the job is actually full time, with benefits and even those magic words: profit sharing.

But I have this other stress in that I need to be out of my rented room by the 24th, that’s this friday. And so I have a place to move into? No. Will I have the ability to pay for first and last month’s rent at any new place, no.

I do have friends, an Uncle who will help me, so the sky is not falling. But its a bit hard on my pride. And it has been delivering me into depression. As in sleeping 16 hours a day or more.

But I’m not just any unemployed piece of shit, I have real skills, metaphysical prowess, psychological insights and all that. I recently wrote a blog post about the diabolical simplicity of happiness – goddamn it! I should be able to turn on happiness even in this circumstance!

But of course, I can’t give up my material attachment to shelter and a reliable stream of income I earn. Attachment is the source of suffering. So, can I give that up? It’s summer, what better a time to be houseless? I can maintain this site on the public library computer! You can get e-commerce tips and personal coaching from a homeless bum. Then I can be happy, just give up what I’m attached to.

So I guess what I’m learning about myself is that I am attached to a house and a steady income that I earn. So, can I create that?

That steady work sigil in the last post I made, it is powerful. So it’s up to me to not f it up with lust for result. Fortunately my anxiety about my housing distracts me from lusting for that job so badly. And it seems other jobs are contacting me (it’s wave phenomena y’know).

So I’ll be okay. There’s a reason most of the homeless people also have severe mental conditions. I’m not insane, I’m not addicted to drugs, I’m not anti-social – I expect I’ll be okay. I just am not sure how just yet.

So I’m always finishing these posts with something for you, the reader to take away. So let me think. Okay, however bad you think it is for you, there is always someone that has it worse than you.

Like the other day I met a guy that complained of being hungry, and I have some money, not much – so I treated him to some pizza. And I heard his story. A heroin addict that attempted suicide by jumping, but lived. And so now his shoulder blade is disjointed, his back is in permanent pain and he can’t get pain killers because he’s an addict. He tells me he wakes every morning angry that he’s alive to suffer more agony.

Compared to that I’m not doing bad at all. I’m living a fairly successful life!

Why won’t my reply post? Is your spam filter broken?

I’m just writing this to let you understand that I use akismet spam filtering and it works by comparing your email and back link to a database of emails and backlinks others have designated as ‘SPAM’.

I promise you I do read every comment posted, whether it posts to my site automatically or is held for review or is in my spam folder. Most comments I receive end up in my spam folder.

I know why, it is because this site has a ‘comment luv’ plug in that allows your backlinks to go live. That means there is real SEO benefit if you get a backlink from posting a reply to this blog.

It also means people will post replies FOR NO OTHER REASON.

And yes, I read every damn comment. If you post the same exact comment 10 times to ten different posts, I know and I will delete them all. If your comment flatters me but has no relation to the post being replied to, I will delete it! If your post is FULL of links – I delete it automatically! If your post IS NOT IN ENGLISH – I cannot read it and I will delete it (I understand that with google translation many non English speakers can and do read my blog.

If you reply with a complaint I have no experience with myself (and I do test my site on multiple platforms) – I will assume you are spamming me too. (this site can load slowly as it gets many visitors and my hosting has real limits to its bandwidth).

There is no advertising on this site that would resize a browser window (there is a pop up on the index page where if you allow a cookie it will only pop up once – every other ad is google adsense, infolinks or a small banner from listwire).

The reason I read every comment is that I have hope someone actually read my blog post and had something relevant AND SPECIFIC to that post to say, that ended up in my spam folder. But it has only happened by accident, a non sequitur comment might spark an idea for a post or a reply from me (like the person selling jewelry crosses in reply to my post on the Adversary).

Every time this site does get such a comment – it sails right through. Every time, no exception. Not yet.

And my kindness that allows many spam comments to get posted, and if you read this blog you likely have a small anger related to the stupidity of the average comment – it’s been hurting my page rank – your irrelevant comments. (Though it seems this site is doing well enough despite a pagerank of 1 or 0).

Other bloggers have established that no replies ever get back link credit. And if that is what it takes to get people to comment because they have something to say, I will do it. It’s not hard to have something to say – I write contentious stuff!

This site make break another personal record this month, last month it cracked 16k unique IP addresses visiting this site. And I did it by writing interesting content. And if you are promoting a site with SPAM, guess what you are NOT doing?

Because your non sequitur link – it gets automated backlink credit – but will anyone actually click that link? (other than me ’cause I have to check for porn or malware and stuff).

But if you add a comment because you have something to say? Guess what – people will click that link to see what else you have to say.

I know. My server stats suggest about 50% of my visitors clicked a link on another website because I had something interesting to say.

Please understand that THIS WEBSITE DOES NOT EXIST TO PROMOTE YOUR PRODUCT! In the few hours since this post has been live I’ve received spam replies that were thoughtful paragraphs on – oh, Windows registry remedies, because that’s the product they are selling. Seriously, where is the intellectual disconnect? Is this article even remotely about operating systems? NO! So why will I allow your irrelevant reply to go live?

Not unless you want to pay me money, I’ll accept Dollars or Euros., contact me.

Use your brain to figure out where your product can be RELEVANT to my blog post. A registry cleaning software could be pitched in a blog post that is ranting about the Windows OS (Mac OS and Linux never had these registry issues), for example.

Or simply use the system as intended, link your site to it’s keyword, and for this post, post a reply about how, “yes, it’s awful how so many people post replies that aren’t even replies, that contribute NOTHING to the conversation started by the blog post!”.

Sure Google has bots and evaluates sites by automation. But Google is not buying anything from you. People are. If you focus on google exclusively you’ll get visitors that visit once per month and stay on your site less than a minute. a small percentage might buy, it’s true. But compare that to a site where vistors visit more than 3 times a month and sometimes spend HOURS on your site. What kind of marketing could you do with that kind of attention?

Think about it. I am. I have that kind of attention already.

Sigil magic? But I cannot draw!

I did receive an email thanking me for the “Law of Attraction the Kitschchaos way” ebook, she was explaining she had begun the empowering meditation exercise in the ebook and was making good progress – but as that ebook does also link back to this site for the sigil magic 101 article, her primary question related to her fear that she couldn’t do sigil magic as she had little or no artistic talent.

It’s true, Austin Osman Spare had been an accomplished illustrator, and in the case of this website, I’m myself a designer and cartoonist. So of course she is concerned that she can’t properly do sigil magic as I do, or Austin Osman Spare. Why it took so long for someone to say this, well that’s my personal upset.

The advantage of other authors introducing sigil magic, is that for the most part THEY are not artists either! That I’m an artist and Chaos magician makes me the exception, not the rule.

Almost no one is incapable of drawing a personal sigil. The fundamental reason being that it is PERSONAL. And think back please, remember being a child. There is almost no child too inhibited to make use of a box of crayons. But, of course, children are natural magicians. This is why children are popularly feared in Horror movies.

So, please, read the sigil magic article NOW, if this is new to you! here it is, Sigil magic 101

Have you read the article? You now understand that you write your desire, distinguish the unique letter forms, and combine the letter forms into something abstract. The secret is to do this as if you were a child at play, forget the associations of the letter shapes – and exploit them simply as shapes.

Some of my own sigils I’ve created in the Adobe Illustrator program, and because I use that program as comfortably and easily as I might a pencil – I can use that software and the result is magically potent. If you are not a graphic artist that has ever used such software – you should stick with pencils and crayons. And I do use crayons myself too! I don’t always have access to my computer when I create a sigil. (but I’ve also been working on ’empty hand’ magic – which is a different story).

When creating a sigil, it can intimidating – how can I fit all these letters into a simple design? I have a piece of powerful coaching – look carefully at this HASH character: #. See that hash? here it is again, #. You can draw a cross hatch, almost anyone can. What letters can YOU find in that crosshatch? Understanding that a letter can be rotated, upside down…I find these letters: p,q,a, i,o,u, y,x,t,f,b,c,d,H,j,L,s,w,z  – that is 19 of 26 letters I can find in one simple crosshatch!

The first thing you need to try to do is find all letters I found in that same crosshatch. I may have even missed a few! If you can see the letters I found, then you have the ability to ‘see’ the required letters in any design that might be simple.

If you read the “Law of Attraction- The KitschChaos way” ebook  ( you know it features step by step instructions on how to meditate and train your mind to concentrate. If you create a mantra, rearrange the letters of your desire into phonetic nonsense words – rather than simple numbers – you can make the content of repeating the sound the focus of your concentration. This is another way to launch the sigil successfully!

Is it possible for a third party to create a sigil that can be launched by YOU? Yes! Indeed, this is an unspoken principle of advertising. McDonalds is powerful not so much due to the exceptional quality of their burger or fries – but due to the exposure of the sigil that is their ‘golden arches’. Every time you look upon those golden arches in an absent minded way – you empower the agenda those arches were created from!

Does that mean I can create a sigil, and you can launch the sigil for your own benefit? Remember when it comes to launching sigils – or completing the circuit of magic so the sigil becomes an empowered spell – sexual orgasm is the easiest and most reliable way to do this! If you cannot do this, simple absent mindedness does a great job, but it is less reliable.

If you have headphones – and then RETURN TO THIS PAGE!. Look at the following sigil while the theta slide binaural beat does its thing. I believe this will do the trick quite well and doesn’t involve you dropping your pants.

In traditional sigil magic the name of the game is to NOT KNOW what the sigil is for. But that’s because your subconscious DOES KNOW, because you created it. If you want to get the benefit of my posting a sigil, on the domain of the collective unconscious the spell may work and be effective.

But there’s two issues – if you don’t know what the sigil is for, there can be an element of fear of the unknown. And if you don’t know what the sigil is for there is no way to evaluate for success.

So I will tell you what this sigil is for – it is a ‘STEADY WORK” sigil. It is meant to attract a regular ongoing job that meets your needs. Now that you know what the sigil is for – we have to adjust how the sigil is implemented. Where the goal is known, it is custom to psychologically ‘be the need’ as you cast the spell, visualize the job you need as you stare at the sigil and the binaural beats do their thing. But once the spell is over, you know that it is done. You must make a sacrifice of your anxiety to the spell. I know it’s not easy. Trust in God, trust in the sigil. Let go of the anxiety and this sigil will work!

It has worked for me. I have a job interview next Wednesday and I’m going to nail it! (I did nail it btw)

Here is the ‘steady Work’ Sigil:



The diabolical simplicity of happiness

The US Declaration of Independance promises to protect: “the pursuit of happiness”. And in practice this is  most often what happiness exists as – spontaneous random moments of bliss that can’t be relied upon, and that certainly we’re NOT ENTITLED TO, until we have “X” in our lives.

The story of the insight I’m presenting is one of sad unrequited love: I found myself having a mad crush on a particular young man. His name is Chris and he’s a latter day hippie who has a large musical talent that’s devoted primarily to recreating the work of the Grateful Dead. So basically he has a lot going against him for me, as I’m a latter day punker who pretty much loathes the Grateful Dead. And Chris is houseless unless he can find a free couch to crash on – travelling from town to town and living off of donations for his music, perhaps he falls in with Rainbow gatherings or something.

But talking to Chris, as our paths crossed as he was in Ithaca for a spell, even in his performances, he uniformly projects a happiness and playfulness. He explained his lifestyle as being a function of fully accepting and being comfortable with his laziness. But clearly he mastered  the following of his bliss, and he exudes happiness and playfulness as a function of surrendering every reason not to.

Chris is straight, and girls too, flirted with him. And it wasn’t that he is cute, it’s that he made himself cute. Anyone becomes as cute as they can be with a sincere grin. Chris is charismatic -it’s the way he earns tips playing music – by being appealing as a performer, by generating his own happiness he lifts the mood of people that listen to him or interact with him. His happiness isn’t forced, it may be about mischief or simply acting silly.

My personal example – feeling as if I’m entitled to a middle class lifestyle ’cause I have such great talent, intelligence and elite design skills – and therefore investing in anger and discontent until I have ‘an adequate’ material lifestyle once again. How much fun or effective is that really?

And this is not to say that I do not know better. Knowing something and putting that something in practice are not the same thing. I’ve known happiness is unrelated to circumstance for a while, happiness is a choice. Eyes wide open, I deny myself happiness until …I have a prosperous online business, I have a prosperous cartooning business, I have a prosperous t-shirt printing business, I have a loving boyfriend, I have many cool creative friends…etc.  I denied myself happiness because I felt it is required to be a carrot for whatever it is I’m committed to in life. I can’t allow myself to be happy now – I have no lover!

And if you look in your life, you may find the same thing. You are committed to more, so you are unwilling to allow yourself to be content with less.

But Chris showed me something important – a model of not allowing any reason to be good enough to hold off on not being happy right now. And in choosing to allow himself to be happy – he generates CHARISMA! People feel lighter and happier just by being around him.

And magically, what better position from which to not care – to be without lust for result – to wield the greatest possible magic with the most reliable results?

And in marketing – isn’t happy what people really want ?

There are law of attraction experts, Christians too – suggesting you need to think positive, and be thankful for what you do have. And they are not wrong. But really that’s not taking the problem on directly at all.  Smiling is. Simply smiling. And allowing your mind to wander to wherever it needs to be to make that smile sincere.

I have a lot of stress in my life now. I’m terribly under employed, I’m losing my housing, and I’m lonely. Those reading the post before this one, you know the irony of this site’s success is bothering me in this context as well. But it is in this sort of crucible of stress that the right ‘aha’ will present itself, and here it is.

So I will be present to now, because it is always now and never any other time. And I will be happy now, because no reason not to be is real. And I will be happy the way I know to be happy – my sarcasm, my irony. Because  sarcasm and irony are the things that bring sincerity to my grin.

And hey, if that particular grin may look I’m up to something – consider for a moment how much fun it is to be up to something and just how sincere that grin must be!

This does dovetail with health and romance too. The simple act of not allowing what your body is keep you from allowing yourself to be happy can manifest those people that know your body is hot right now.

Will a body become healthier if the person inside it simply decides to like themselves a bit more? The power of placebo suggests it is at least a good possibility objectively, and subjectively I’m inclined to think so.

And in the domain of sex, nothing is hotter than confident indifference – can a projection of simple happiness can simulate both? I certainly was suckered into a crush on such a happy person.

taking stock

In the month of may, this site set a new record for most visits, most pages read, most bandwidth used – well over 16,000 unique IP addresses visited last month. That not people, that’s16k unique modems, many of which in this age of wifi are shared by many people.

And almost every month this year has broken a record set by the previous month. Truly a testament to the power of sincere writing, less than 2% of these visits are coming from google or any search engine – it’s all keying in the url directly or by bookmark or email link – or folks are visiting by means of links on other websites.

I know all this because my server keeps statistics (better than google, which can only record users that allow javascript to collect cookies).

So it’s a kind of success. My initial reason to create this website: fill a vacuum – there’s no or damned little information on applying magic to business. And my secondary reasons are to evangelize Chaos magic, and to maintain my learning about e-commerce. And in securing ‘unlimited’ hard drive space and bandwidth from my hosting company – I really wanted this site to become as successful as possible – just to test that promise.

And all those goals, they have been achieved. I now know more about e-commerce than most courses I could buy can teach me and I’ve shared it all as I’ve learned it. I’ve introduced Chaos magic to a lot of people, and created a resource for those who want to learn more. And as of last month this site’s readers consumed more bandwidth than my other hosts would allow without charging me a lot more money.

I did it. I’ve accomplished every goal I had for this website when i created it. And the site now, it’s like a drug. What can I do to attract even more people, make it more popular. And this site may be on the brink of being discovered internationally – google has achieved destruction of language barrier – anyone can appreciate my site now, it seems. This growth is sexy, and eve if the typical comments I get are banal – the numbers are awfully flattering.

But is this what I want? What do I authentically want?

So I need to take stock and decide what I want, and pursue that. And what I want is to make money online, I want a great boyfriend, I want great friends I can collaborate with – on comics, on stunts, on movies, on projects. My life has never been as much fun as when I was in middle school creating comics or plotting the takeover of the world with friends. I may be 44, but I want that kind of fun again. That’s what I most authentically want.

Being the webmaster of this site, perhaps manifesting a cult of personality? It is flattering, and I am learning i need to own that I write at least as well as I draw -if not better – my drawing never attracted the kind of attentions my writing on this site has. But this is not what I want, I want to do stuff with friends, fun, crazy stuff.

And I don’t have such friends. So I think my next project will be to create such friends.

As for this website, since it is everything I meant for it to be when I created it – I now will manifest a new intent. This site will make me money!

And no, this site is not making me money. It is a spectacular failure when it comes to money. Of all the thousands of visitors, I don’t believe even one has clicked a google ad or text ad. Not one has volunteered even a dollar donation to thank me for the content they tell me helped them so much.

And I do understand. I fundamentally believe information should be free. And much of the information on this site is salable information, others get paid because they make you buy this information. That’s one reason this site is popular. It’s also a reason no one buys.

But understand something. NOW this site exists for the purpose of making me an online income. And at risk is all the information you find so valuable, because I know it is valuable – and i can password protect this entire blog and ask you to pay for access.

That doesn’t have to happen. You can use the pay pal button on the right and make a small donation.  What are you buying with that? You’re buying the opportunity to keep this online resource available for free. Because it is not free. I have to pay for hosting and I have to support myself. Without me there is no Unless I can pay to re-register the domain, pay for more years of hosting – this site will cease to exist.

And, you see. I don’t need this site anymore. You do. I proved everything I needed to prove. This give away good information for free model, it doesn’t make sense if I decide the point of this site is to make money.

But understand that if every visitor donated a single penny – this site would cover my rent, almost anywhere I wanted to live. And that would be enough to fundamentally alter my lifestyle substantially. Now, not everyone will donate a penny – but if you donate a dollar, your donation covers a hundred other users.

And if you can’t donate a dollar, that lets me know how important this site is to you.

Because there’s – and if I’m going to follow through with that project, it’s going to consume a lot of my time. Because it’s all me – I have no team. I’m writing and drawing the comic, I’m interviewing people, I’m writing all the articles – I will not have time to maintain, not without a reason to. IthacaIlluminati – it’s going to ultimately market my web design  business, that is from the ground up designed to be a money maker. was not designed from the ground up to be a money maker. That’s why I cannot maintain KtischChaos the same as I have been.

Powerful e-commerce coaching is to focus all your resources on that which will make you money. So it’s up to YOU. If you the reader really want this site to be a free resource and remain as such, if you want me to keep writing good content – reward me in a way that is real, in a way that can help me pay rent.

Because if you don’t support this website of your free will – I’ll find a way to monetize this site. The result I’m looking for now is rent, and I will do whatever it takes. What you want or think doesn’t pay my rent. This is simple.  I’ve established value, now I will have compensation.

Welcome to

This is a site about Chaos magic applied to business and marketing.
If you mean to use magic to improve sales, to grow a business - this is the site where you can learn the most powerful magic available - without diluting it to make it safe or 'acceptable' - and apply it to your business TODAY!

this is the rss feed, add it to your rss reader.:

Subscribe to KitschChaos Newsletter/blog posts


June 2011
« May   Jul »
Translate »